The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Mar 27, 2002
As I am writing this, the sun is shining in through the Lair's main window, so bright and cheerful, just makes you want to rush outside and shout 'Humbug!' at passing strangers. Hmmm... I might just do that, there's one now...
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject, and if wanted I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual e-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me Mystic Greebs.
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
JANUARY
Someone you are very fond of will leave your life this week, but do not fret - they will be back. A note written by a stranger will contain a list for you to puzzle over. Apples, Potatoes, Tin of Peas, Bread, Milk, Eggs, Cheese... What does it mean?
FEBRUARY
The Elephant Droppings show that a large deposit is coming your way. Don't be afraid to be what you are, because if you are what you are not, then you will be someone else.
MARCH
The Whingy Board has a message for you from an American Space Shuttle Pilot who once ate off the very same plate that your neighbours second cousin on your mothers side once ate off. 'Do not wear red socks with sandals, no one will take you seriously!'
APRIL
Think before you speak this week; an ill chosen word can become the flash point for an argument. A large white balloon will begin to follow you around on Monday, just keep repeating the phrase, 'I am not a number!' It will eventually go away, hopefully, maybe, perhaps, fingers crossed...
MAY
The Tea Leaves reveal that you will face a big decision at the end of the week, whatever you choose, make sure it is really what you want, don't let others sway you. A sign will show you the way.
JUNE
The Tiddly Winks lay in a pattern never seen before, so try not to do anything that you do not normally do, be wary and be on constant vigil. Expect the unexpected, do not eat cooked food or drink anything wet, and stay away from cars with steering wheels, houses with roofs and animals that have two ears.
JULY
Uranus is revealed this week, and proves the old saying right. A case of mistaken identity will bring chaos to your life by mid week, but soon everything is put right, and your life will get back to normal.
AUGUST
You will hear good news through the post on Monday, or possibly Tuesday, then again it could be Wednesday or Thursday or maybe Friday, or perhaps the weekend. It might not be this week or next either, though it will be within the next year or two or three, well definitely within the next century or millenium.
SEPTEMBER
The Fetid Cabbage tells me that you will be experiencing something you have never experienced before on Saturday. A large box with an ovoid object will be coming your way shortly; it will be a nice surprise, well, maybe not a surprise now because I just told you about it, but don't let on.
OCTOBER
The mists parted in the Crystal Ball to show that it is time for you to delay the project that you started last week so that you can finish the one you started the week before. Do not run before you can walk, or you will get scraped knees.
NOVEMBER
A strange quirk of fate will confront you with new challenges this week. Standing still in one place for too long will make you stiff, so keep on the move if you can.
DECEMBER
The Bones tell me that someone with an 'A' in their name will introduce themselves on Friday. This chance meeting will be the beginning of an exciting time for you, so have fun and enjoy yourself for a change.
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent
truthfully. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
