This is the first time that the Knolly Estate has allowed the great man's memoirs to be published. What follows is the twenty third chapter of 'The African Adventure'.

This was turning out to be a hellish rum do, dontcha know. There was Bertie, head in a fountain, moaning and groaning but for once not blaming me for his misfortune — though the next day would undoubtedly be another story. The lady of the house was locked away in my room, hopefully now with her maid by her side, undergoing the agony and ecstasy of cocaine withdrawal. Rhodes and Jameson had disappeared and to cap it all, Bertie had accepted a tennis challenge from the same pair of rogues.

I sat there, patting Bertie on the back, contemplating all of this. I mulled over what to do next. The idea of a drink briefly popped into existence, but I soon put this to one side. now was not the time from indulging oneself.

'Come on, Knolly, there's work to be done', I said to no one in particular.

Bertie had now gone quiet and was lying, looking listlessly at the stars.

'Knolly', he whispered, tugging at my shirt sleeves.

'Feeling better, old chap?'

'No... well, a bit, but the stars...'

'Yes, quite different from the ones at home. Let's get you up to bed now, come along.'

'No, you misunderstand me, the stars just disappeared.'

I rolled my eyes at this and thought, 'He and Elspeth would make a great act currently, what with her elephants and him with stars winking out.'

'Come on, Bertie, you're not a well man. Tired and emotional is what you are.'

At this Bertie stood bolt upright and grabbed me by the collar.

'Look Knolly, this is not the first time I've had a bad night and thrown my giblets to the wind, but I know what I just saw. Something is up there.'

He pointed a finger in a northerly skyward direction and I turned and looked. Stars that hadn't been there before suddenly twinkled into existence, while others seemingly went out. I strained to see what was out there and saw the outline of a familiar shape, last seen while dangling from an elasticated rope. The inky blackness of the shape was punctuated by tiny exhaust flames.

'You know what this means, Bertie, don't you?'

'Ummm... Wells' yet-to-be-published story about invaders from another planet is based on fact?'

'BERTIE!'

'... or... or... that airship you brought down has been mended and is following our trail.'

'Something along those lines, I think, though you have reminded me that we need to pay Herbert a visit and discuss his War of the Worlds to ensure that none of our other secrets get out. Bally Time Machine gave the Service enough of a headache as it is. How on earth did he uncover Rothwell?'

Bertie smiled at this — or it may have been a further attack of nausea.

'Well before our time, Rothwell, but the kite-flying story was never going to hold up, was it?'

I nodded at this and waved in a northerly direction.

'That way lies the Transvaal and Kruger. What if our jolly train-loving friend in Berlin has other plans. What if he is hedging his bets and not only wants to stop Rhodes, but also wants a German-Afrikaner alliance? Hmmm?'

Bertie was still holding me by the collar and as the penny dropped, so did his hands.

'We have to stop him then. Come on!' Bertie turned to head back to the house, but his legs did not seem to understand the instruction and so he found himself face-down in the grass.

Helping him back to his feet, I said, 'Bertie, I'm afraid that this is part of the larger political machine. While we can warn London, I'm sure they already have sufficient intelligence to start moving other pawns like us around the board. Our mission is Rhodes and his global plans; I have no doubt though that we can make use of Gutmann or whoever is aboard that airship along the way.'

I felt Bertie shiver, though it was still quite warm.

'Knolly', he said, his voice once more a whisper. 'What if she's with him?'

'The Countess? Come now, this part of the world is far too hot and sticky for her. No, no. She'll be tucked up in her Schloss, pulling the strings any which way she can to get what she — and possibly the Count — desire.'

'You're sure?'

I thought about my answer carefully and hoped for all our sakes that I was right.

'Positive. Now, hang on to me and we'll get you to your room.'

The way back to the house was slow and ponderous. The hallway had started to be cleared of the various Light Horse officers by a very efficient team of batmen and troopers.

I saw Jones marshalling the body of Monty away. He saw me and marched over.

'Permission to speak, sir!'

'What? Oh yes, carry on Jones.'

'Mr Harrison-Harrison looks the worse for wear, sir, would you like me and the men to take care of him?'

Bertie grinned and wobbled a bit, but remained silent for once.

'No thank you, Jones,' I replied, 'but if you have some coffee on the go, can you get some sent over? I fear it will be a long night after all.'

'Course sir, right away sir.' With that he saluted and returned to clearing up the remaining bodies.

Together we climbed the stairs and I'm sure Bertie was acting the giddy goat more than he really needed to. Outside our rooms I propped him up against the wall opposite his bedroom door.

'Right then, I just want to check on Elspeth before I put you to bed.'

Bertie's eyes became as wide as saucers.

'Knolly, do you mean to tell me that you have Mrs Devries in your room?'

I fished out the remaining key.

'It's not what you think.'

Bertie pointed at the key and quickly had to recover his balance.

'Obviously not, if you had to lock her up.'

I was about to explain to him what had occurred when the door opened and out came the maid, carefully locking the door behind her.

'Knolly, not just Elspeth but her maid too?!'

This revelation proved too much for him and he toppled over.

I rolled my eyes at the maid.

'How is your mistress fairing?'

'Better now, sir; I managed to get some of the medicine in her and she seems to be sleeping peacefully now. But poor Mr Harrison-Harrison.'

I turned to see Bertie trying to pull himself up.

'Hmm, yes, give me a hand to get him into bed please. I'll sort him out and if you would be so good as to fetch my night clothes, I'll be bunking in with him. There is no point in trying to move your mistress back to her own room until the morning. Some extra pillows would be handy, too.'

We got Bertie into his room and while the maid went to fetch my things, I got him into bed, despite his remonstrations that he was quite capable of undressing himself. The maid returned with my night attire and pillow and I set them up at the foot of the bed. This was not the first time we had been forced to share a bed and probably would not be the last.

I informed the maid that the house was now safe for her to go about her business, but she elected to remain with Elspeth for the night.

As I was getting ready there was a knock at the door.

'Your coffee, sir.'

'Jones, why thank you.'

He looked me up and down and peered past me to see Bertie waving at him. Jones coughed and passed me the tray.

'I'll just leave you two gentlemen then. Goodnight, sirs.' He winked.

'Yes, yes. Goodnight, Jones. See you at breakfast.'

I closed the door firmly and locked it.

'The end of a perfect day, eh, Knolly?' said Bertie as he plumped up his pillows.

'Oh yes... just fine and dandy. Get some of this coffee down you. Big day tomorrow and you need to be fit for the game.'

Bertie had just taken a swig of the brown liquid and this suddenly shot back out through his nostrils and over the bed covers.

'Oh no', he spluttered. 'Tennis!'

No drink is ever good expelled via the nose. It was going to be a long night.

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