The h2g2 Poem
Created | Updated Jun 25, 2003
Ode to 24
Dedicated to five characters from the acclaimed TV series 24 who,
in the poet's humble opinion, died sadly premature deaths
Rick's Friend
Rick's friend got it on with Janet who was possibly a bit of a slapper
Which is bad, but not as bad as Rick's friend as he was a kidnapper
And as careers go that isn't the best.
He slung Kim Bauer in the back of his van
Then took her off to be held captive and (in theory) eventually shot by Ira Gaines who was
a nasty man
And Ira proved this by shooting a great big hole in Rick's friend's chest.
But just as Rick's friend fell, no longer alive
The credits came up for the end of episode five.
Janet
Alas poor Janet
Who at the start of the series did not know her days on the planet
Were numbered.
And following being run over by a car
She was smothered by a man we'd all previously thought was her Pa
While she slumbered.
She had a bit of thing for that friend of Rick's
And departed our screens in episode six.
Jamie
Adios to little Jamie (she always struck me as unhealthily thin)
But I was much taken with her pointy chin
Which she always kept up.
But then she was found out as a traitor
And rather than explain to her little boy Kyle why he had such a corrupt mater
She killed herself with a tea cup.
That pointy chin looked really fine
But like I say she killed herself in episode nine.
Ira
Let us weep also over the corpse of Ira Gaines
Criminal mastermind prone to murdering senators and arranging for lesbians to blow up
planes
In flight.
Eventually chased around and shot by Jack for trying to kill Senator Palmer
Gaines should really have invested in some decent body armour
And then he could have been all right.
A man whose conscience probably wasn't especially clean
Off he popped in or around episode thirteen.
Kevin/Alan
When Alan first appeared he claimed to be the lovely Janet's dad
But it turned out he was actually a bad
Guy.
His real name was Kevin and he did not appear troubled by this lie
Little did he realize he was would eventually see all his friends blown sky
High.
Victim of a fate both capricious and mean
That assassin who looks like a male model (though I'm not jealous, obviously) shot him in the head in episode fourteen.
