The Prof has an eventful night in Los Angeles

The year was 1980 and myself along with 2 friends were on holiday in Los Angeles (whilst other Brits were having holidays in Florida - commoners)

This particular evening outside our hotel, we asked a taxi driver if he knew of Oscar's nightclub (apparently, the largest in L.A. ? 3 floors) and could he take us there ? At which he did.

(After watching a Clint Eastwood film called Coogan's Bluff – I think ?)

I watched every building block/road etc for "if" we went round twice

We then pulled up at this disco place, lights around the door area signifying a disco, etc, including a very large black bouncer gentleman on the door. Who was more the size of an American football player than a British rugby player, but to carry on with the tale! We stood there looking at the place, wondering whether to enter or not ? At which the bouncer said, "It's a gay disco".

Now here in Britland gay discos were few and far between at this time, so not overly "local" news as such.
There were shuffled shoulders and mutterings of what do we do next ???
But! This bouncer was GOOD! He read our minds and said "It's soft drinks only" so my reply was, "are there any other discos nearby? And do they serve alcohol?" he said, "Gay or straight?"
Keeping my Yorkshire dialect under control – I replied, "Straight, mate! Straight!" (instead of – straight, owd cock) Therefore he said that there's a disco 2 blocks down on the right. I thanked him and we set off at a sort of brisk walk .

We then came across a large car park area and an entrance to a "disco" with 2 bouncers in denim attire at the door, as WE walked up to the bouncers, one said:

"Sorry! You can't come in!"

"Oh, why?"

"Because you're over 21 yrs!"

"YEAH! We are!"

"BUT it's under 21s night

"Oh! Come on! The legal age over (our place) there (England) is 18!

"It's! 21 here he said!, so as it's under 21s night – YOU can't come in....."

We stood there and watched, as it was like something from "Happy Days – Fonzie" girls sat at the back of open-top cars, etc . So! After a few token objections, we decided to go back to the hotel and call at the 24 hr supermarket not far away and "stock" up on cans/, etc, for our room, as hotel prices are a tad more pricier.

On hailing a taxi and proceeding on our way back to the hotel, we came upon a set of traffic lights. At which were on red! Therefore the driver pulled up, the next second, the car "jumped" forward? I said "Ah har! You've got kangaroo juice in the tank or stalled it!" On looking behind me, it changed to "Ah har! No you ain't, someone's ran into the back of us."

The driver got out of the taxi and talked loudly with the other person at his car and then returned to the taxi and we proceeded to continue our journey.

I asked the driver, had he sorted him out as such? He said, "Yeah! He gave me $50 to keep it off his insurance and "we" get cars bumped regular, so who'a the wiser?" (he smirks). I stayed silent and at pulling up at our hotel, I asked him what the fare was? He replied, "it's $17" – I replied to him! "You're getting $7!" He retorted that the fare was $17, I countered by saying "You're getting $7!" He retorted again that the fare was $17 – so I responded by saying, "Do you know when we stopped at those lights and that bloke ran into the back of you?", he uttered yes! I remarked that, "When you got out of the taxi, WE weren't moving! But your meter WAS!" "It can't add fare to mileage if we're stood still!" He again said, "The fare is $17." Now hitting more Yorkshire dialect, I said "Tha's getting $7." He was adamant that the fare was $17! "So!" I said "Ok, then – you give me your firm's phone number and your I.D. Driver/card number and I'll call them tomorrow." His face took a funny turn? And he said disgustedly, "I'll take $7." and promptly showed me a central "finger", Now! I'm a Yorkshireman and as I showed him 2 fingers I said “We might be tight in Yorkshire, but we can still afford 2, and you might be able to con an Englishman, but don't try it on us Yorkshire folk, we wrote the rule book!

He drove away and we! Of course, headed for the supermarket for a much needed drink.

On our way, we saw blue lights flashing and then, on rounding a corner, 3 fire engines came into sight, plus "spectators", a couple of police cars and flames emitting from a apartment building. Talking with a fireman that was close to me, I asked if it was a bad fire. He said "Not for us – but it is for the owner." So I asked for enlightenment. His reply was, "He's NOT got smoke alarms fitted, therefore his building's insurance will be void – it's gonna cost him plenty."

On to the 24 hour supermarket, bags of cans, lager, hotel room and happy hour

During our 14 day stay in Los Angeles, the pile of lager cans in our room each day made for many unique sculptures (the heat caused much thirst and also sweating during the night made for no hangovers the next morning) and on our last day, we left a note and a handsome “tip” for the cleaners, stating that we thanked them for their "task" of cleaning up our room and I CAN guarantee! The sculptures reached some height .

(small footnote)

I'm 5ft 3ins, my other mates were 5ft 6ins and 6ft 4ins, the tall one was NOT served in a bar, because he couldn't prove he was over 21 yrs old, so we didn't bother going out at night and drank either in the hotel bar or cans of lager in our room watching tv.

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