Game of the Month: Goat Simulator

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When you're bored of being a human and can't stand the thought of ever being an alien, how would you fancy being a goat?

With hubby still in hospital1, this month I have been mostly been playing Goat Simulator. It's available on most consoles but I've been playing it on Steam on the PC2. It's an open world sandbox game. It has no story, is really buggy and glitchy, the music is really pants and you play the game as a goat. I hope I haven't put you off, because this game is funny, addictive and has the ability to consume several hours of your day if you let it.This teaser trailer will give you an indication of the sort of gameplay you are looking at, the references to Dead Island's teaser trailer are purely coincidental, I'm sure.

So, there's no story, what do you do? Well, you lick people and things, jump off every building, collect collectibles, bounce on trampolines, make a nuisance of yourself and destroy everything you possibly can. There are a variety of challenges to complete such as licking3 10 fences and destroying Goathenge. Then there are serious achievements to be won including Cardio kills your gains (see below) and Here's Johnny which is unlocked when you wield an axe with your tongue. Naturally, there are also several mini games to entertain you including Flappy Goat, although I don't think the goat can fly quite as well and bares an uncanny resemblance to Nyan Cat.

Here are several things I learnt playing Goat Simulator4:

  • Goats are unbreakable5 and (unlike Lara Croft) they can hit the ground after falling off a large crane, and then6 get up and walk around again.
  • Goats can blow up tankers, survive and carry on running down the road to be hit a large truck and still keep running
  • Goats have really, really long, sticky tongues. This comes in really handy when you're trying to get a human onto a treadmill for the Cardio kills your gains achievement.
  • There is a Hitchhiker goat. It's a reward for jumping on skyscaper, finding a towel with '42' on it and taking it to a UFO next to the whale. The hitchhiker goat's special ability is to rain large goats from the sky. Sadly the large goats don't do much, but they do turn into whales
  • The phrase "Aww, I was licking that" takes on a totally different meaning.

    • If you like goats, headbutting, jumping, wall running and Easter Egg hunts as well as hearty belly laughs this game is for you. If, however you like none of these things, you probably have cold, dead, soulless eyes as well (or maybe more discerning than me smiley - winkeye

    Next time on GotM. From the makers of Surgeon Simulator, I will bring for your delectation and delight my review of I am Bread7

    .

    Game of the Month Archive

    Magwitch

    31.08.15 Front Page

    Back Issue Page

    1Not for much longer, I hope.2I know, get me, playing with the big geeks toys!3There's a lot of licking involved and headbutting4Given the nature of the game, I'm not sure many of them a re true.5Thank you, Rag Doll Physics6Don't try this with a real goat - Ed7Yes, both of these games exist, but no, I will not be playing, or indeed, reviewing either.

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