Awix is the expert. For ridiculous opinions on cinema, you get me.

The end-of-year or 'festive' season¹ is often a time for watching old movies. Old movies are particularly popular this year because the cinemas are mostly closed. There aren't many new movies. But how many times can you watch White Christmas or It Happened on Fifth Avenue or, heaven help us, something with that guy who plays the ukulele, before you experience holiday burnout? I'm here to help. I've found some vintage goodies on Youtube that you'll really enjoy. Some of them have supernatural themes. For some reason, the 1940s were big on angels and benevolent ghosts. You'll get a charge out of these, and they don't cost anything. Bring your own popcorn.

Movies with Angels and Devils In

Beyond Tomorrow. 1940 feel-good film with no big stars, unless you count Maria Ouspenskaya, which I do. She was a lovely old Russian lady who had studied with Stanislavsky. Don't hold that against her: Madame Tanya is a delight. A very young Richard 'I Led Three Lives' Carlson sports a phony Texas accent. A horse steals all his scenes in Central Park.

The main characters in this story are three old geezers who share a house on Park Avenue in New York City with Madame Tanya, whom they rescued from postrevolutionary refugeedom. The geezers appear to be engineers of some sort. They're working hard on sending their specs to Pittsburgh on Christmas Eve. Then they try to throw a party, but the guests don't show up. So they throw wallets out the window. The wallets contain their business cards and $10.

A selfish musical-comedy star gives the money to her chauffeur and throws the wallet away, but down-on-his-luck rodeo man Jim Houston and lonely children's hospital teacher Jean Lawrence both show up to return the wallets. They are invited to dinner and fall instantly in love with each other, the geezers, Madame Tanya, the butler, and the horse in Central Park, which the cops let Jim ride. Fun is had. There is bowling and opera.

The geezers should have listened to Madame Tanya. Who flies to Pittsburgh, anyway? They become ghosts, and have to keep the kids together. It's a really sweet movie, and the special effects aren't bad at all.

Heaven Only Knows. W*k*p*d** calls this 1947 romp an 'adventure comedy fantasy western film'. Fair enough. In Heaven, all the top angels are the ubiquitous old geezers. They sit around in leather armchairs in a sort of library/men's club. For some reason, they're dressed like it's the 1880s. Ah, it is the 1880s. Even in Heaven, apparently.

The big plot announcement is made by the Archangel Michael, a young, sweet, and naïve Bob Cummings. He's accompanied by a Heavenly Page, played by Dwayne Hickman, of all people. (Dwayne Hickman grew up to become Dobie Gillis, which only means anything if you're American and remember beatniks.) They've got big bound books, which seem to make up Heaven's database in the 1880s. There's a discrepancy in the records…somebody has to go and fix it…cue plot.

The problem is in Montana, which isn't a state yet. That makes this a Western. Sort of. It's very funny in places, and the sentimentality won't choke you. High points? 'Mike' and horses. 'Mike' saying, 'Fine, thanks, and you?' to the little barking dog. Putti falling off the ceiling of the dance hall when the madam kisses Mike. The final exit in which the Merkavah Chariot takes the form of a stagecoach driven by a bewhiskered angel. Trust me, this one's a keeper.

Heaven Can Wait. 1943, starring Don Ameche as aged, now dead, roue wannabe Henry Van Cleve. This is not the Heaven Can Wait you're thinking of: this an Ernst Lubitsch film, which means hilarity and sophistication. By 'sophistication', we mean 'implied adultery with no actual kissing of anyone but the spouse'. Lubitsch was a genius as getting away with translating these Central European farces onto the Hollywood screen. People were too busy laughing to disapprove.

In this Heaven Can Wait, Van Cleve dies of old age, very happy, and presents himself to the front office of Hell because he figures he belongs there. The front office of Hell is very Art Deco. Lucifer has better taste in clothes than those angels, and he has a lovely van Dyck beard. He listens patiently to Van Cleve's life story. So do we: it's most of the film, and it's funny. Van Cleve thinks he's a big sinner. In the end, the Devil throws him out and makes him take the elevator to Heaven, where he's sure there's room for Van Cleve 'in the annex'.

Why is this movie entertaining? Count the weird interior decorations. All of the people in this story live in the opulent squalor of the Gilded Age. Their taste is a cross between Liberace's parlour and a National Trust rummage sale. See how many unidentifiable statuettes you can spot. Then there are the costumes, hairdos, and hats. And there's Marjorie Main, the adorable Ma Kettle herself, decked out in dresses you have to see to believe. And even then, you won't believe them. This is a highly enjoyable hour and a half.

No Angels, But Worth a View

That Uncertain Feeling. Two words: Ernst Lubitsch. Another 'we had an affair but it came out all right in the end, don't call the cops' movie. From 1941. What makes this one fun, if there are no angels or devils or geezer ghosts? Burgess Meredith and Merle Oberon.

Jill Baker (Oberon) is married to Larry (Melvyn Douglas), a nice guy and a rich insurance broker who lives with her on Park Avenue. Hollywood only knows one street in New York City, and it overdecorates all the apartments there. Enjoy more objets d'art, especially the 'modern' symbolic portrait of Alexander Sebastian (Burgess Meredith). Sebastian is a deeply weird pianist. He and Jill meet at their therapist's office.

This was Lubitsch playing a joke on actor Meredith, who was seeing a therapist at the time. Anyway, the two go off to the art gallery together, to see the 'portrait', which has a clock in it, and music notes, and a plinth, but no recognisable people. Just go with the flow. They have an affair, Jill and Larry get divorced and then remarried, Sebastian doesn't really care because he only wants to practise all day and night. This is a 'sex romp' in which nobody takes off an article of clothing. Nobody is filmed in a bathtub. There is no racy language, no double entendre. And only the lawfully married people kiss. It's a chaste sex romp, which makes it funnier.

There's only one thing I hate about this film: the 'piano playing'. Burgess Meredith was musical. I know he could read music: he spent four years as a boy chorister at the Cathedral of St John the Divine. And he studied at the Actors' Studio! Why, oh why, can't these people learn to mime playing a musical instrument in a way that doesn't insult your intelligence? But oh, no. Movies abound with 'violinists' sawing wood and 'pianists' waving their arms about aimlessly. It's like the coffee cup problem in US television. OSHA won't let them have real liquids for fear of injuries. And you can always tell the cup is empty. Why don't they teach these things in acting school? It's not like the curriculum is that heavy…

Okay, rant over. These movies are free and fun. If you get bored enough, you might want to watch one.

PS I probably won't respond to countersuggestions. Especially those of the glamour-and/or-lush-music variety. But you can share them in case somebody else wants them.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

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