Alls Well -The End

An edited entry about me after abortive efforts including one written by another trout i know.....those words went something like this - any connection between the living and dead is purely coincidental
There words are about me.....I am not dead yet but that is probably coincidental
1. Entry
Having exhausted all avenues trying to find a way out of here my entry goes like this. There is no entry – there is one big universe we just don’t know where the exit is until it’s too late and then it’s phase deux or is that faux pas I can never determine with any clarity.
2. Useless number stuff
My researcher number is 1131470 which added together is 17 and when this number is added together it equals 8 and when these numbers are added together they become 25 and, if you add 17 & 25 together, and get this, the answer is 42. Coincidently this is also the registration number plate of the car I drive – it is, I tell you TAI 42, ask anyone. So does this mean anything other than that a series of randomly related numbers somehow became greater in importance than any single non-event? I doubt it.
3. An important day
I was born on March the 11th in 1951, one year before Douglas Adams which would seem to be of no consequence and yet in all that time I didn’t once consider wrestling with the problem of infinite improbability, even though I was reliably informed that it was highly improbable for this to occur.
4. The insistence of the existence of loosely formed flights of penguins
Another event that did not happen is that, as far I can recall, I never dreamt of penguins being confused about appearing, or disappearing for that matter, in the middle of someone else’s nightmare.
5. The bad old days
Rationing was still going on where I lived and people generally looked ruddy in colour rather than nicely tanned, in some cases the grey washerwoman look had it’s attractions but that was a rare instance. Things like fake tanning cream and similar goodies just had not made it into the consciousness of your average (let’s say of good nature)woman let alone mrs average housewife with hours of idle time on her hands and no money to spend.
6. The mad digger does not exist
That section of our community would not be targeted by serious or sinister media inspired advertisement campaigns for at least another decade.
7. Blow up frogs (we didn’t play with dolls)
So, even though the countryside where I was raised was having a bit of rough time of it, there weren’t really any distractions, early on in life, to keep us from play. That’s what we did, play, my best friend and I used to go hunting for all types of animals and we used to blow up frogs & stick penny bangers in milk bottles & letter boxes or down road under-passes, such an awesome noise I remember. Now of course that is not allowed in the bland & co. inspired and social worker run pc age.
8. The uselessness of being useless
Even the beeb no longer has a relevant voice, just like our equivalent it is dictated to by the government of the day and is run by a government lackey. The voice of the people it is not. Some people on the inside still fight the fight though.
9. Mind bending drug therapy
Work and all that was what grown ups did and since they didn’t know any better they all just sort of mucked in and did the things that needed to be done – as you do. Every so often one or the other of those I knew would go off the rails and end up locked up for reprogramming with mind bending drugs. It was called ‘being in therapy’ – as you do.
10. Perfect strangers
The family that was my lot were a bunch of perfectly strange people who luckily (I learnt later) through a fluke of evolution had become an irrelevance even at that early stage of my life. It was during a time when being gay meant being happy and the word homophobic was not even in the biggest Oxford dictionary and lesbians & pc didn’t exist but queers did. Of course that’s not true ask anybody. And, get this, Rock Hudson did not have aids yet!
11. Das Lied der Deutschen, (sic)Deutschland Ueber Alles.
I am unreliably informed that one of my relatives is of German royal family lineage. Of course this is a preposterous notion given credence by another relative who is clinically insane after taking a small part of the roof of a motor vehicle through a section of the human skull not designed for such action thus that part of the brain has useless output.....so it goes.
12. Education
Highly educated, (and, despite a proletariat upbringing, it was at a public school) however school years passed by with a grand assortment of incoming data being received, misunderstood, understood, resubmitted and finally shredded before any real damage could possibly influence the future and before anything else could be said or done to cause the slightest ripple on the cool sea of life. Thanks to this education I have been able to keep my head above the incoming tide of crap. One of my best friends at this school died aged forty without me knowing about it for ten years, imagine that. I found out when I discovered that a lot of my other school friends now live near where I live; I have even met some of them.
13. Meeting the world
So now I am out and about Ronnie and Reggie style. It was exciting and at the same time did not have a single influence on any of the future. I was told one of my relatives once met Ronnie & Reggie when they were famous people and I wasn’t, but this may be, and I quote, apocryphal, or at the very least wildly inaccurate, information. I met my future wife during this time, we were to stay together.
14. Meeting Douglas Adams
Having met the great man and even held a small conversation with him I am alarmed that there is now a place inhabited by cruddy little villages – like stoke this that or the other on one side of the planet or another it’s enough to turn your stomach or as DA would say ‘life is wasted on the living’ good one Douglas. I have met many famous people from the art world, just ask my brother in law he arranged every one of these meetings, he told me they were famous so they must have been.
15. Why fjords are universal
Although I haven’t had time to inspect all of the coastlines here yet but I heard about one planet with beautiful fjords. It’s on Trafalmadore which is a planet not to dissimilar to this one except the inhabitants are more socially advanced and have no need to hurl weapons of mass anything anywhere near each other. The so-called failed science fiction writer Kilgore Trout is the only writer I know with anything intelligent to say about Trafalmadore.
16. People I haven’t met
The one person I would like to meet is Kurt Vonnegut. I imagine I would ask him what it was like to be nearly boiled alive by his own side during the allied bombing raid of Dresden which at the time was an almost harmless town in Germany . I imagine he would say ‘it was like nothing on earth’. There were sides in that war, the side that lost now runs one of the largest economies on the planet. Of two of the three sides that won two carried on showing the rest of the world how big they were by bombing and shooting people in foreign countries. How bad is that! The third country to win the war had internal problems to do with hydrocarbons and dissidents.
17. Towels are not essential in space & geography
How ridiculous, of course towels are the most essential piece of any traveler’s wardrobe. For example German tourists use towels to bestow ownership on such things as pool loungers and tables. I’ve seen towels used in the same way on beaches (err by the seaside) in England. When not in attendance anyone is free to remove any sign of the owner’s existence. England is a small and mostly grey island in the northern hemisphere of the planet (small ‘e’) earth.
18. I discovered fishing late in life
Even though I used to go fishing as a younger human being the idea of actually catching fish was not a feature of these adventures. Often seeing them swimming in the murky river, lake or stream was better. Later on I became a semi prolific killer of fish for food but I still like the way they light up when left in the water.
19. Up to date
Living in relative comfort, driving in a big country, still married and with four sons to boot and a grandson now, and another on the way, life is grand. PC is common vogue in the grey island mentioned above and is slowly creeping in all over the planet. Being gay is no longer what it was and may even become a death sentence through the aids pandemic affecting all of us. Rock Hudson has died of aids along with millions of others including many in previously little known African nations. Douglas Adams has died. I still haven’t met Kurt Vonnegut. The third country to win the Second World War is still having problems with hydrocarbons but not so much with dissidents. The other two are still throwing ‘wmd’ about with (sic) gay abandon. The equivalent of the population of some of our cities has just been wiped out when several tonnes of the Indian Ocean decided to be somewhere it normally isn’t. One of our supermarket chains has offered the grand sum of 100,000.00dollars towards the relief campaign – less than a single dollar for every wiped out person – a cricket game crowd just raised more than this amount in two days - what about that - let’s hear it for the impoverished global world domination sector - .

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