168th Greatest Story in the Universe - A Tribute
Created | Updated Jan 5, 2004
Part Ten
Millions of years in the future a wise old man will ask rather grumpily: 'Where's my sandwich?'
Now whether the request is ever granted is unknown, but it does perhaps answer at least one question. There will be at least one wise old man millions of years in to the future to ask that question, and hence there will be at least one representative of the human race. This in spite of the trillions of subconscious attempts as a species to eat their way to extinction through gross overindulgence in junk food, and the unhealthy amount of poisons they had thrown in to the air for good measure.
However beyond that anything else is pure conjecture. It would seem reasonable that the old man had a knowledge of sandwiches, at least to the point that he knew he wanted one. And also that he was looking for a sandwich that was specifically his.
Perhaps he made the sandwich. Maybe it was a keepsake that he kept for rainy days - though if that were true perhaps the less we knew about the old man the better.
Though, given the statement happened to take the form of a question, it does cause us to speculate the intriguing possibility that he was speaking to someone else - ignoring for now the quite frankly high probability that he was senile. Whether that someone was Human, an intelligent non-Terrestrial or a gold fish called Bob we may never know.
The amount of speculation one could engage in, knowing that such a question was asked at that time, is mindboggling. However, as intriguing as one futuristic old man's quest for his sandwich may be, there are probably a couple of other things which rank slightly higher in terms of importance. Though depending on the mood of the individual and their circumstances, this could be limited to 'where did I leave my swimming goggles when I went to the swimming baths last Thursday?' While the fact that they ended up in Aunt Petunia's grocery basket, might ask more questions than it answers (particularly if Aunt Petunia happens to live 250 miles away, and you haven't seen her for twelve years), there are some questions which trouble us all.
Why am I here?
What created the Universe?
Will the story writer ever get to the point, and gives us some clues as to what this story is about?
All questions which Human beings have frequently asked themselves since the dawn of time. But if one should monitor Human beings long enough, one thing will become blindingly obvious. Human beings know very little about the Universe.
Yet given this startling analogy, one other thing about them will very quickly after become apparent. They are very good at making up facts from a ridiculously small amount of information.
They exist on a minuscule planet called Earth, on which everything they know about the universe is based on. They look from a solitary point in space, time, dimension and further measurements of position, which they haven't begun to contemplate. And yet from this ridiculously small position, they will make rather arrogant, and yet quite mindbogglingly confident, presumptions about the universe.
The creatures that have, in the many years since Terry Horowitz's time, managed to make contact with the Human race, have become very frustrated with their arrogance.
They couldn't believe it when the Human beings told them that they believed the Universe began with a 'big bang'. Not only did Human's believe it, they were absolutely convinced of the fact, and the case was closed. The Iphraks were stunned, especially as they were actually there at the time, and said that it was nothing like that - though they weren't giving any clues away either...
Whilst other aliens were merely stunned by their certainty about things, which they quite clearly had no business being remotely certain of. So the justice system came as a bit of a shock too.
On the whole, human beings' general inability to consider all possibilities is - quite simply - staggering. So it would be no shock that on numerous occasions (in fact many millions of occasions), this lack of open mindedness caused many accidents and problems.
One example was in the 32nd century: when colonising the planet Phragris, they assumed it was uninhabited. They set up factories which pumped their Earth gases into the atmosphere, and quite happily settled on the planet.
What they didn't realise was that the native entities (which came to be known as the "pop", because of the sound they would later make while dying), who existed half connected to this space and half in another, became sluggish and overfed on the human gases - which was the equivalent of candy in their state of existence.
These set of circumstances were quite disappointing for the creatures, particularly as their co-habitants, in their half connection to this planet happened to like eating these now sluggish creatures.
These co-habitants were known as the Blieg. Or rather they would later be known as that. This was a rather more primitive form of the Blieg, before they found the Shift (a very un-popular part of the universe, in between the cracks of connecting dimensions, generally considered blotchy, smelly and generally very hairy).
Now you are probably wondering where all of this is going, aren't you? Be honest, you are racking your brains to figure out where Terry Horowitz fits in to all of this. I've insulted the human race, I've twittered on about some old man's sandwich, and prior to this paragraph had only mentioned Terry Horowitz once! The last time you saw him he was in a sticky situation some where in the depths of some unknown, un-reachable base, where the female leader, on seeing Terry Horowitz, decided to run off and put on some make up.
Well, for your information, the connection of all of this is the fact that Terry has moved from the large well-crafted hall where he has completely confused a very powerful organisation he didn't even know existed, and is now in a very smelly, dark prison cell before he causes any more trouble. Why does this connect to this? Well the chief reason anyone happens to go into these cells - unless they happen to be a Cell-Spotter - is if they are going to be thrown into the Shift.
Sending someone to eternal torture in the Shift was generally the rule for any crime in the Callack organisation when the leader was rendered unable to function, even if the incapacity was make-up related.
Terry - this was now such a frequent event that it's barely worth mentioning - wasn't very happy. But a visit from Turk did promise more cause for optimism.
'Terry,' Turk said, 'the leader wants to speak to you. Now.' Terry opened his mouth to speak. 'Look, no questions. Just come along now.'
Not for the first time that day, Terry was not in a position to argue.
Reflecting for a moment, Turk turned towards Terry. 'Don't ask me how, but she seems to know you.'
'I've never seen her in my life.' Terry protested.
'Well, you seem to have some hold over her. And somehow, you've got a lot of questions to answer.'
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