(Urban) Legends in Their Own Minds
Created | Updated Dec 18, 2016
(Urban) Legends in Their Own Minds
The advent of worldwide internet coverage has brought about more or less exactly the opposite of what pundits predicted on the cusp of the millennium. Back then, you may dimly recall, they were touting the advent of a new 'republic of letters': a worldwide community of philosophers, savants, and professional thinking persons. Smart people were going to get together by means of this marvelous new communications instrument. The world was going to get better.
What do we have now? Fake news, and the Balkanisation of the internet.
It is now possible to live in your own personal universe of ideas. Thanks to the algorithms of your search engines and the personalisation of your social media pages, you need never see 'news' that you disagree with. You can join the unreality of your choice. Have fun out there.
The following is a totally imaginary chatroom discussion. I made it up. I wouldn't usually bother to say this, but these days, you never know who's reading.
Conversation at cloudcoocoo.com
Dmitri: You say you're happy about this nouveau reality stuff. Why?
Advocatus666: Consensual reality is so last-millennium. This 'separate realities' business is where it's at now. It's totally useful, man.
Dmitri: What was wrong with consensual reality?
Advocatus666: Look at where it got us. People were actually on the verge of accepting their neighbours. Everybody had rights: the handicapped, women, different ethnicities and religious groups. Even gays, for gosh sakes. That was terrible.
Dmitri: Why was that terrible?
Advocatus666: What about the rights of the 1% to govern without restraint? I ask you. How are they supposed to keep the sweatshops running and the wealth and power flowing in their direction without the ability to play one group of suckers against the other? Study history, you idiot. That's how it's supposed to work.
Consensual reality was all fine and good as long as the consensus was that They were Bad People who didn't have any rights. But this Progressive mentality? The road to chaos. We got a good run out of terms like 'political correctness' and 'SJW', but hey: diversifying the audience base is way better. We just use the Balkans as a role model.
Dmitri: How so?
Abvocatus666: The Balkans are great. All those tiny countries. Each accuses the other of some terrible intent. Albanians get mad at Serbs, Serbs at Croats. The Greeks accuse the Macedonians of copyright infringement for using their country's name. I love it. It's supercool.
What we've needed was a way to do that to everyone. And now we have it: the customised search engine.
Dmitri: You're not even worried about the violence this causes? What about the Comet Ping Pong incident?
Advocatus666: Are you kidding? That was pure gold! Some online doofuses make up totally fictional stories about high-placed politicians, including a presidential candidate, accusing them of running an evil child pornography ring out of a pizza parlour in the capital. Some equally mixed-up character storms in there with an assault rifle to 'rescue' the kids. The pizzeria employees and customers don't know what hit 'em. The cops get called out. More 'news'. It's perfect.
Pretty soon, they won't know what to believe. Heh-heh, sooner than you think. Remember, the Twittermeister's taking office in January. Studies of his speeches have established that his lie rate is about once every 3 minutes and 15 seconds. And he will have Wireless Emergency Alert capability: when he texts the nation, no mobile phone is ALLOWED to block him. It's The Law. ROFL, ROFL, ROFL. You philosophical types are toast.
Dmitri: I'm beginning to suspect who you are. The username fits.
Advocatus666: Oh, I'm just one of his many representatives. See you around, suckah!
Ed. Note: I repeat. I just made this up. Do not retweet without a disclaimer.
...your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, lurketh about the chatrooms, seeking whom he may devour. . .
1 Peter 5:8, Unauthorised Version
