The Hootoo archives contain many weird and wonderful bits of writing, which don't always get the attention they deserve. Unless they enter the Edited Guide, or are unearthed by The Post, Underguide or CAC, they may lie unread and unloved for years, while their authors go out for a sandwich or even permanently Elvis¹. The best way to find these gems is undoubtedly through the search engine, having ticked the box marked no Edited entries. The infinite improbability engine and searching conversations provides too much dross: searching unedited guide entries is the way to go.

This week, or fortnight or whatever, I am wandering round the hootoo car park key in hand, desperately trying to remember where I left the best entries on the subject of cars. Let's start with U29901 telling it like it is

A car is mainly a tool which allows you to go from a point A to a point B faster than if you're walking.

What there isn't much of on the site, to my pleasant surprise, is whinging about speed cameras, road tax and the like. Nor is there much about cars destroying the environment, flattening cyclists, children and small elderly ladies and their trollies willy-nilly. Instead I can offer you some (mainly) sensible advice, some discussion and some stories.

I can't think of any better place to start than A344251. This has a nice style to it and is funnier than the EG version. If you liked that, you might also like A580998. In the conversation hanging off that entry is an excellent discussion on Mongolian versus German car behaviour, including this telling comment from U179462.

The difference is, in Germany you break the rules, but in Mongolia it's the rule to break the rules.

If you're planning on breaking some or all of the rules of the road, you'll want car insurance, and you'll want to read A2401354 first. Very illuminating and with real life examples. Of course even once you have insurance, you should try not to use it, as U34659 explains:

If you have to have a crash, try to make sure it's someone else's fault. Then you can claim the cost of repairing your car and any injuries from the other driver (unless it's a tree). Do beware of all the helpful people who will crawl out of the woodwork to try to help you with your claim - these are called Ambulance Chasers, and they will make much more money from your accident than you ever will. They'll get their costs from the other driver's insurance company, just like lots of other AC's are currently getting money from your insurance company for other non-fault crashers. The insurance companies have to put up their premiums so they can afford to pay all the claims. Then you can't afford to buy car insurance.

Once you've trashed your car beyond the realms of DIY or something like this has happened to you, you'll probably end up trying to get a new one. A538913 helps prepare you for some of the few sharks in this world with bigger teeth than insurers, and A307298 offers you an alternative, away from all that.

In many cities, while it is more or less possible to get some use out of your car while you're moving around, it is becoming increasingly difficult to leave it somewhere on those rare occasions you might want to do something else other than drive. If this is your experience, I suggest you head for A446311 another excellent EG entry on a topic that many would have thought it impossible to write a guide entry on. As the protagonist in this fine reflective monologue notes:

We live in a world of time and space. Do I have time to get where I am going and will there be a space to park in when I get there?

Not sure I can match that, so I'm off to cycle somewhere. Happy searching!

The Seek and Ye Shall Find Archive

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