The Post Horror Scope
Created | Updated Feb 20, 2002
Another week rolls by, and the day of love has gone but not of course forgotten. Love can always be in the air for those who want it to be so, be it love for another human being, love for an animal or for an inanimate object. Love is one of mankind's greatest gifts, it inspires us to do wondrous things, and to achieve someone's love is something to treasure forever.
But enough of love, and onto this weeks Horror Scope, written as ever with you the reader in mind. I have not been inundated with requests for personal mystical readings as I had hoped. This is possibly because you, the reader, are so amazingly underwhelmed, and probably a little scared/bored of my talent that you are unable to put pen to paper to write to me. Hmm... make that finger to keyboard...
I am quite willing to answer all questions and queries regarding this subject and, if wanted, I can help with problems from researchers via e-mail. Due to time restrictions I cannot reply to each individual e-mail personally, but will give the answer to your problems on the Horror Scope page. Please send your letters and queries to me Mystic Greebs.
The Horror Scope is divided rather neatly up into twelve sections, January through to December, and you will be able to tell which section you fall under by looking to the day you joined h2g2.
For those of you with limited understanding, I will explain further. If you joined h2g2 on the 25th April 2001, then your section will be April and you can read your future under that section heading.
JANUARY
The Whingy Board urged me to tell you that it has a message from someone who once stood in front of you at the supermarket check out, 'Those brussel sprouts you bought were twenty five percent cheaper in the shop across the road'. Do not get upset with someone smaller than you today, it could lead to bad feelings.
FEBRUARY
A small, sharp pain all down my left side revealed to me that something that is hidden from you, will not show itself on Wednesday. A spotted dog will become a close personal friend.
MARCH
Satsumas will become very important to you on Friday. Do not seek out the wandering star, you were not born under it. You would be better off singing to the tree's rather than the painted wagon.
APRIL
The debris from Uranus leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Sunday is a good day to start a new project, it will be a good one. Not as good as your last one, but up there with the great projects of all time, honestly...
MAY
The mists from the Crystal Ball moved aside to show me that a rubber garment will be the cause of untold embarrasment at the weekend. Always remember a doughnut in the cat is worth two in the shop.
JUNE
The Funny Bones fell into the pattern that means it is time for you to try something new. How about learning to touch your nose with your tongue and impressing your work colleagues with your new skill.
JULY
The planets are in alignment on Monday, a good sign, but be warned. Do not eat frozen fish this week, or you will suffer a broken tooth.
AUGUST
Staying awake all Tuesday night will open your eyes to a feeling of utter tiredness. Try not to snore too loudly at work, or you might awaken the boss.
SEPTEMBER
The Tea Leaves warn that you will meet someone dressed in tartan with a duck on their head. This would be a good time to walk in the opposite direction. Giving a few coins to charity will make you feel a lot better about that large purchase you just made.
OCTOBER
A Wink where there should of been a Tiddle shows that you will receive an unexpected surprise next week. An open door will let in a giraffe!!!
NOVEMBER
A strange sign turned up in the Tarot Cards, it revealed that a windfall is heading your way this week. Maybe it would be a good time to spend a little money on buying that round gift you have been thinking about for a few days, and giving it to the nicest person/cat you know.
DECEMBER
That ring you found a few years ago will lead you on quite an adventure. It's time to shave the hair off your feet before people begin to talk. Do not worry if you think your life has been suddenly cut short, there is at least two more installments to come.
DISCLAIMER
As we all know fortune telling is not an exact science, so Greebo T. Cat, The Post and indeed h2g2 cannot be held responsible for anything printed in The Horror Scope that is not one hundred percent truthfully. To be honest, I think you should all be jolly happy if one percent of the predictions come true.
This statement in no way refutes Ms Cat's mystical gifts. So there!!!
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Mystic Greebs
