Deep Thought: Of Squirting Cows and Other Illegal Memories

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Deep Thought: Of Squirting Cows and Other Illegal Memories

A farmer squirting milk into his cat's mouth, direct from the cow. This is in 1903, so he can't hear anybody fuss about it.

The other day, somebody tweeted about how his grandfather in Pennsylvania used to squirt milk into the cats' mouths while milking cows. I replied that my grandfather did the same thing in Tennessee. When we were kids, we thought it was a pretty cool thing to do. The Cat Lady whose thread we were commenting on replied with a thread of her own to show how 'common' this practice was in the past. She had a lot of pictures. The picture above isn't one of hers: I got it from the Library of Congress.

The Cat Lady was huffy about it. She said you shouldn't do it because raw milk was dangerous stuff. Our grandfathers and the one in the picture above from 1903, are safely in the Past and don't have to listen to the Cat Lady. She has a lot of opinions.

Dr Dempster, the Scots language expert, opined today that everybody in Scotland who speaks Scots should remember to do so in front of their children and grandchildren so the language doesn't die out. I agree wholeheartedly, not only about Scots but about any local language. It's our job to pass on a heritage like that, and I'll tell you why: it's an antidote to the tendency of commercial media to homogenise us out of legacies that might turn out to be useful in the future. Also, having memories of the old-time talk can give you moments of pleasure as you go through life.

I had one like that the other night.

We happened upon this movie from 1987 on our streaming service, but you can watch it on Youtube for free if you like. It's called End of the Line. It's about a bunch of railway workers in a small town in Arkansas. The company closes the railway line down in favour of becoming an air freight carrier, so two of the railwaymen 'borrow' a train engine and drive it up to Chicago to confront the company executives. The movie is extremely funny and has a happy ending.

If nothing else, watching the film will help you play the Kevin Bacon game. He's in it, very young and doing a bang-up job on an Arkansas accent, which is remarkable for a guy from Philly. In the film, he and Holly Hunter (aha, now you want to see it, right?) are in love and considering getting married 'agin'. Wilfred Brimley, who was considered a national treasure by US Western film buffs, plays the train-stealing patriarch.

I'm not finished. FWR should see this film: Levon Helm is the other train thief. Levon Helm (1940-2012) was the drummer (and one of the vocalists) for the Band. Yep, sex-drugs-and-rock-n-roll stuff. And he was from Turkey Scratch, Arkansas.

Levon Helm's accent sent me on a time trip. Every intonation was a miracle, every phrase music to my ears. I could hear half a dozen much-missed relatives in his voice. I was sighing, remembering, mourning, and laughing my head off at the same time as he explained to more than one character in the story about how he was 'in the shower, tryin' to remember the words to the Pledge of Allegiance – you know, the American one?'

Afterwards, Elektra said the Library of Congress should preserve this movie as a classic. I agree. No, it is not a blockbuster. Awix would go right to sleep. The most daring thing the train people had to do was pretend to almost run over Howard Morris, who was playing a drunken hobo sleeping on the tracks. That's about as much 'action' as the film's got in it. It's leisurely, and funny, and doesn't go anywhere surprising other than Chicago, where they have a low-speed chase with with a stretch limo and make jokes about the Picasso statue.

There's a memory. I remember my dad coming home and fussing about that Picasso statue. It seems they wanted US Steel to put it up, and he advised against it. My dad wasn't an art critic: he merely pointed out that great artists didn't know anything about engineering. 'That thing will take so many guy wires to hold it up, it will be a mess in a high wind.' They don’t' call Chicago the 'Windy City' for nothing.

Anyway, for sheer authenticity of setting and language and local humour, End of the Line can't be beat. I recommend that you see it if you're at all interested in Americana that hasn't been Hollywoodified. Or if you like Kevin Bacon and Holly Hunter. Or trains.

What films do you watch because they trigger memories for you? Share your favourites with us.

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Dmitri Gheorgheni

19.06.23 Front Page

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