Another week another dollar, or whatever currency you hold dear to your heart... not that I hold the dollar dear to my heart, so I am not sure why I said that... Best to ignore this section then!!!

You seem to be enjoying these series of articles, or at least I am getting some nice responses from you in regards to my queries and questions, maybe with 'She who should never be named in any way other than complimentary if you want to get your doughnut rations for this
week'¹ blessing I will get to write many, many more or at least you will give me the input to allow me to do so. You are all so nice you know, I am quite over whelmed, or at least slightly gratified. Without you this article would be nothing, literally!!!

The question that everyone so nicely replied to this week was 'Who are 'THEY'?'

So, it's on with the show and my first guest is a jolly nice researcher that I am sure you all know Amy Pawloski in this conversation.

Conversation Subject : 42...

'...is obviously how many of 'them' there are!'

Even though I stated that 42 couldn't be the answer, Amy was quick to put me right with her affirmation that 42 was indeed what I was searching for. Upon further probing² Amy elaborated some more, 'Well, I was just trying to twist The Answer to semi-fit the question'. So basically what she is saying,
if you don't like the question then just write the answer to a question you do like and all will be fine. Well that's fine with me also, great conversation from a great researcher.

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Guest number two is becoming something of a regular in this column, well they were a guest last week, so lets all give a big round of applause to useless hound in this conversation.

'Easy one this oh mighty cat.

h2g2 breakfast rolls filled with chicken drumsticks. only available when doughnut delivery is hijacked and no substitute.

Oh whoops it was 'who are they?' not 'Roll of drums who are they?'

I liked this answer, mostly because of the first sentence which panders to my over blown ego and made me feel special, not that I am not but it's nice to know others think the same way as I do. That, poor useless hound totally got the question wrong let alone the answer is going to be totally ignored by me.

If you read further into this conversation you will see that none other than my good and dear chum DoctorMO has a stab³ at answering the question.

They, are the people in your mind, the ones who you know perfectly well what they did/do wrong, some one to blame, someone to fault. It's their fault .

Which is very interesting indeed, a concept that seems to indicate that 'they' are in fact your own conscience. So each of us carries around a little 'they/them' in our heads, a very scary thought, but if what DoctorMO says is true then we personally can't be
blamed for anything, it is all 'their fault..

If you want to comment on this, or have something more to add then please don't hesitate to share your views with us in a conversation below.

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My third guest this week is the one and only Archangel Dr Justin in this conversation.

Conversation Subject : They are...

'...everyone.

Consider a case where there are two opposing views - the proponents of each view refer to those who hold the opposite view as 'them'. We can therefore deduce that at some stage, everyone is one of 'them'.

The strange thing is, no-one ever seems to admit to being one of 'them'...'

A similar point of view to DoctorMO it seems but instead of being a 'them' inside your own head, we are in fact a 'them' to every other person we meet, very true, especially when you think about it.

So that's another researcher advocating that we ourselves are the infamous ones. Maybe 'them' are not the sinister organization that I first thought, but just another part of ourselves, that we are not familiar with.

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My fourth and final guest this week is another Post regular, Dr Deckchair Funderlik in this conversation..

'You have asked the most important question for the survival of all humanity. And I am now ready to give the answer. Yes, I know all about this. I know who they are. I know. Seriously. I've been working on this for months, quietly determined, driven by my desire to get at the truth. And now I have the truth. And I've got charts and diagrams and everything. Hang on, I'll just get my notes..

Right, you know that singer, Cliff Richard? Well he's a robot.

Now, hang on... I've got it written down here somewhere..

Yes, he's a robot and he receives messages from space through a special aerial behind his ear.

No, hang on, that's not it - no it’s John Noakes who receives the messages. Cliff Richard just types them out on A4 sized bits of paper. Or else, if he hasn't time, he just scribbles them out on Post-It notes.

No - ermmm, now there's something else.. hang on.

Yes, that's it. They are all robots from the future and they live in underground caves. Cliff Richard is in charge. John Noakes is one too. And Phil Mitchell from Eastenders. He only pretends to be a car mechanic. If you look closely, you'll see he never actually does any work. He's in charge of filing.

That's it. You see, when you read it, how it all falls together. How it all makes sense. You must pass this on. Tell anyone who will listen. And don't eat any kind of crispy pancake. That's how they take over your brain. It’s either that or Battenburg cake. I can't remember
now..'

As the good doctor asked, I am passing this information on to all my readers in the hope that you will read it and come to your own conclusions about this theory. As always Dr Deckchair Funderlik has not only informed but entertained us as well, and if you want to hear some more of the good doctor’s theories, thoughts and stories then don't forget he has a regular column in The Post every week.

It's always good solving those little problems that perplex us isn't it, makes you feel better and that all is right with the world. That is until you think up an entirely new question to perplex yourself with, and the idea of having to think up a question to perplex yourself with is perplexing in itself. So to save you the bother I shall come up with a new question for you to solve, or deliberate over, and maybe another article just like this one but with different words will spring forth from The Post and onto your computer screens.

So today's question is... roll of drums...

The stuff that dreams are made from, and just imagine it burning a hole in your pocket. What would you do with it, how would you spend it, or maybe you would save it all for a rainy day. If you have any ideas, then please share with the rest of h2g2 by telling us in a
conversation below. As before I will use whatever facts, information or silliness in a future Doughnut Hole.

Of course you can also enter into any of the conversations featured on this page.

Righty oh, that's enough of me going on. I'd just like to thank all of my guests⁴ this week, and invite you all back to the green room, where you can enjoy some doughnut crumbs⁵ and a few empty bottles of milk.

Can't you tell that h2g2 is now run under the BBC, yes that was a repeat of last weeks final paragraph. Is this joke getting stale??? Nahhhhhh!!!

This weeks article is brought to by The Post and a small mouse who made its way into 'She who should never be named in any way other than complimentary if you want to get your doughnut rations for this week's' sock draw in search of some cheese.


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