WHOOPEE!!!! We've won!!! I'm now the first President of h2g2!! Take a look at the results, and at my Acceptance Speech!!

Where's Peregrin? - An important campaign release

Peregrin and his team

Peregrin - Presidential Candidate

Peregrin is a 20 year old male1. His youthfulness is only matched by his enthusiasm and psychotic nature. He first met H2G2 soon after the site was launched. After a brief look around, his access to the internet was brutally wrenched from his grasp for what seemed like an eternity. When he returned from his holidays and borrowed a modem, he started getting involved a little more. He has personally met a good number of H2G2 researchers, having gone to two of the London meet ups. They can therefore assure you that while Peregrin may be a little eccentric, he isn't too dangerous. As long as he is kept away from baseball bats. On H2G2, he is both an ACE and a Subeditor. He finds ACEing fun, as he gets to meet loads of new researchers, and write enthusiastic welcome messages on their pages, and have them ignored entirely. He is dedicating more time to Subediting these days, which he prefers. He finds building up H2G2 into an interactive encyclopaedic2 community site an engrossing and interesting hobby. He is well experienced for the role of President, having personally thrown eggs at the current Prime Minister, the Welsh secretary, the President of America, and many other influential people. His personal hobbies include Smiling At Cameras, Shaking Hands With Important People, Laughing Manically, Declaring War, and other nice things.

Bluebottle - Peregrin's Vice

Bluebottle's ideas regarding the future development of H2G2 are well known. The first thing he did on his arrival was to go to the pub and invent the c|_| for everyone to grab hold of. This, and the name 'bottle' could possibly be used to suggest a more alcoholic temperament. I'm not saying that he is alcoholic, but he has collected Alcoholics Anonymous cards in more languages than currently exist, including Esperanto and Klingon. He claims to be twenty years old, but strangely enough, no other member of his family has ever been on H2G2. All rumours that he murdered them and then played Jenga3 with their mutilated limbs are denied, although everyone who spread these rumours strangely disappeared a few days later...

Amy the Ant - Peregrin's Security Advisor

After leaving the Colony Guards (although nothing was ever proven), Amy the Ant entered the world of private security. Her special combination of military training, technical expertise and low cunning has made her invaluable in those ... er ... tricky moments in the lives (and deaths) of the famous and infamous. Previous employers include The Pope, OJ Simpson, Marge Simpson, Mohamed al-Fayed, Victoria Beckham and Big Bird.

Big Mad Mr T - Peregrin's PR Advisor

Big Mad Mr T, currently a so-called Media Studies 'student' is well aware of how the media works, and therefore how to fully exploit it for his own nefarious4 needs. This makes him a good choice for Peregrin's PR officer, as long as Peregrin can produce the thirteen pounds of smoked haddock (as promised) once he has won (or, indeed, lost) the election for President of h2g2. Forthcoming Campaigns A multi-million dollar advertising campaign spreading across the known universe, possibly involving the use Nuclear Warheads5 to induce the explosion of stars so that Researchers on Earth will be able to see the message "Vote Peregrin: The Environment Comes First" spelt out across the nights sky. Copywriting the use of the word "sex" on the Internet, so that all links referring to it are diverted to Peregrin's campaign headquarters Telling people that shouting "Peregrin is really great!" will make them more popular and attractive, due to a signal that is broadcast into the subconscious of listeners that is emitted when those words are shouted at a high volume. Giving out balloons and fliers in Basingstoke town centre, and really 'neat' little badges for the kids.

Croz - Peregrin's Head Canvasser

Croz is an almost 20 year old Mancunian Computer Science student. He joined the team through auctioning himself off to the highest bidder, and in the process is now the proud owner of a mint flavoured mint, a balaclava and three shiny pebbles.

Peregrin's Policies and Opinions

• Regarding the most important presidential issue, abortion, I am both
  pro-choice and pro-life.⁶ It's good to get on the right side of
  everybody.
• I believe wholeheartedly in banning all nuclear testing,
  and in discarding all nuclear warheads. I suggest that we discard
  them by
  throwing them forcibly at anywhere still testing. Like the French
  government.
• More Donuts, and More Beer for Everyone.
• I am a firm believer in Jubilee 2000. This involves canceling all debts
  of
  third world countries.
• I will also send all food mountains to the third world.
• Oh, and I am also a strong believer in freeing Tibet from Chinese
  oppression.
• I am even willing to spell 'colour' without the U if it helps the
  Americans
  like me.
• I also believe in banning handguns.
• I agree wholeheartedly in chopping Microsoft into two. In fact, I think
  that
  it should be mashed into thousands of little pieces. And hung, drawn and
  quartered. Then burnt.
• I will not take monetary bribes. I will consent to sex with
  beautiful
  secretaries, however.
• I think that Starburst sweets should be renamed Opal
  Fruits, as they originally were.

Feel free to ask me or my vice any questions in the forum below. I will endevour to answer them myself. You may not get a sensible answer, or even one relevant to this plane of reality, but I'll try to answer anyway.

Peregrin's Policies and Opinions regarding H2G2

Peregrin has viewed the up-and-coming changes to H2G2, and heartely approves of them all. In particular, the changes to accessing the forums look promising.

However, H2G2 is a continuingly evolving site and more changes are always needed. These are just a few which Peregrin thinks are worthy of implementation:

• The Universe catergory is a good idea and helps geographic searching immensely. Why not create a visual map to aid this? For example, you could view a map of the world and click on Britain. Then you view a map of Britain and click on Powys, Wales. Then you view a map of Powys and click on the town of Brecon. Then you are presented with a list of entries on places in or near Brecon.

• I think there should be a greater variety of smileys. Several researchers, including Bluebottle and myself, have drawn a number of alternative smileys.

Why vote for Peregrin?

Well, why not?

My Opponents

I refuse to run smear campaigns on any of my opponents, because I believe
that deep down they're all nice people. Their lousy personal hygiene and
suspicious connections with organised crime are entirely unimportant to the
matter in hand.

Bribes

Receiving bribes

I'd like to make it known that I am not willing to take any monetory bribes.

I will, however, accept offers of sex will beautiful secretaries, and other decadence.

Offering bribes

Email me to receive a virtual bribe! Offer open to everyone! Get one while they last!

Scandals and rumours

I would like to deny or confirm the following rumours:

• I did not spend any time in a low-security prison. It was quite definitely a high security prison in which I was imprisoned.

• The rumour that I was once an underground anarchist is partially true.

• Apparently graffiti in my name was found on the walls of Demon Drawer's Italian Restaurant. First I'd like to point out that the wording, 'Peregrin wuz ere' and 'Peregrin rocks da house', is very unlike my usual style. Secondly, the CCTV tapes can be viewed here and prove that I did not take part in any graffiti. The only damage I did involved a sledgehammer.

• Rumour has it that I am, in fact, a bird. Well, take a look at my picture above. What do you think? Do you see any of these 'arms' nonsense?

• I would like to make my position clear on the Demon Drawer Poisoning Scandal. I deny any participation in the attack on, cover up, or encouragement of, the poisoning of Demon Drawer. DD is a very good friend, I have nothing against him, and I wish him a very speedy recovery.
  
  Besides, the poisons which we use kill instantaneously, and turn the victim dayglo orange.

Seriously

I rarely say anything serious, but there are some issues too important to
joke about. Maybe not too important to make a few snide remarks about, but
nothing offensive. You know what I mean.

I'm not running in this campaign competitively, it's just a bit of fun,
and I don't mind that much who wins. However, if I am elected to the
powerful and influential position of President of H2G2, I intend to use my
position of authority to full effect as to illuminating the public about
important topics. Well, actually what I intend to do is warble on a bit in a
weekly POST article, but the former sentence sounds far more impressive.

What are these 'important topics'? A variety of things. Of course
sometimes I'll write something silly, anyone who has met me knows that I am
incapable of staying serious for very long. I am a great believer in human
rights - and anything that I write in the POST that can enlighten people
about the suffering in the Congo, terrorism in Indonesia and oppression in
Tibet will be more than worth it.

I am also a naturalist - not the clothes-discarding type, that's a
naturist - and I feel strongly about ecological issues, like whaling, oil
dumping and nuclear testing.

I'm sure I'll think of other things to write about as well. There's
plenty of issues I feel strongly about, like for example the incredibly
nauseating and degrading techniques toy manufacturers and advertisers are
using to sell trashy worthless goods to children nowadays.

And why read what I have to say about these topics? Well you don't have
to. But you never know, you might learn something.

It's my way of letting off steam.

More Information

• Peregrin's user page
• Bluebottle's user page
• The Main Campaign Headquarters
• Peregrin's non-H2G2 home
  page